dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize