He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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