He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
