idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
