My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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