what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
