My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
