I'm gonna have a badass scar
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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