She said her name was "party"
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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