sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
