By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
