just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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