Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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