I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
