I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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