I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
