He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
