guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
