I accidentally burped into my bong.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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