last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
