I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
