Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
