Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
