insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
