please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
