he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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