so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize