nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
