I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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