bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
