So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
