If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
