this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
