I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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