I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
