i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
