Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize