before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize