i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Do vagina's smell?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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