I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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