Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
