if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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