so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Randomize