My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Randomize