barbara walters just said penis...
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
