just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
