Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
