kristin has been a bad kristin
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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