Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
