Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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