The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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