new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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