areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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