Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
