Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
