We're like a lot better than the average bears
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
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