Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
