And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
