Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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