Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
