Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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