I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
