I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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