New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize