YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
