we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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