update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
