i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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