Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
operation have a gay friend backfired
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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